Have you ever considered your dream relationship is possible? Many of us lead lives entrenched with responsibility, leaving little time to invest in ourselves. We become experts at getting things done and adding more to our plate, overlooking the underlying tensions within our relationship(s) at home. We become skilled at knowing what we don’t want – we don’t want to be talked to that way, we don’t want to be treated this way, we don’t want that type of relationship.
But, what if you were able to create space in your life to start dreaming again and create your fantasy relationship? You may experience what some have referred to as “living in alignment.” That is, engaging in relationships that honor our highest values – and as Latinx women, values that merge our multinational narratives. Alignment signifies congruence between the relationship we desire and the relationship we are cultivating with every choice. Here are three steps towards making this happen:
1. Slow Down and CONNECT
Sloooooooow down. Just the thought of it is enough to make me feel I am falling behind. If we don’t slow down enough, we are in effect living from a stress response system. Our body is on high alert and we simply are not breathing right. Although it is this very stress response system that allowed our previous generations to work so hard to survive, it may have served its purpose and is now ready for an update. Outside of the stress response, we are able to connect and form trusting bonds with one another. First and foremost, a connection with ourselves. Take time to slow down and check in with yourself, “Que estoy sintiendo?” “What am I feeling?"
2. Choose to EXPRESS
Expressing from a place of connection with yourself – with your truth – is the most powerful form of communication. Once we have experienced and named our emotions, our words can flow. We can then ask questions, say no, and make requests that honor our unique experience. Generally speaking, Latinx generations that came before us followed more collectivist values, where getting along was valued higher than asserting individual needs. Depending on our upbringing and the meaning tied to asserting our needs, this may come easily or be more challenging. I always found it very challenging.
3. Lean Back and RECEIVE
Our collectivist values of giving to each other have served an incredible purpose – sticking together makes our community resilient. But at what point were we so busy giving we forgot how to receive? Receiving is about being in our bodies. For a woman to receive she has to be relaxed in her body, connected, and open. The next time someone offers you a compliment, notice the tension in your body, choose to breathe and relax, and receive. Receiving is also about leaning back and allowing others to take charge, graciously receiving their leadership and decisions.
As you practice these three steps, watch your relationships transform. It is like witnessing a miracle manifest. The steps are not linear. There may be times you remember to receive and others when you feel challenged by connecting with your emotions. The path isn’t straight forward but rather a sacred circle spiraling in all directions. The path is a call to our divine feminine and a call to your wildest dreams. Are you ready to answer?